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February 1st, 2010
03:32 pm
I made a youtube account! - weight loss and body transformation live!
USERNAME : myfitnessgoal21
Subscirbe me :)
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January 26th, 2010
10:27 am
I'm starting to want to be healthier and look fit, yet skinny. I'm currently working out 4-6 times a week.
I got inspired.
   
She is 5'4" at 118 lbs. Jeans size 25.
I'm 5'4" at 120 lbs. Jeans size 26. Watch me get fit.
I'm going to be doing a youtube account on body transformation. I'll post back on it for more information.
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January 16th, 2010
05:44 pm
I really want to B/P everything I can grab on.
But I can't.
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January 13th, 2010
10:32 pm
I realize how depressing my other entry was..I'm sorry. I do feel quite frequently suicidal sometimes.I do.Sadly.
I can't wait to start school. Nursing program for the Canadian Forces. I will be doing a 15 week military training because it is the army. Even though i'm doing nursing. I can't wait. So in the meanwhile I start school, I have to "get in shape" to be able to pass the fitness test, which is actually easy. So it's been pushing me to exercise. Which is great. In my opinion.
Today I :
Cardio
Ran 1.2 km
Did 7 minutes of jumping rope
5 minutes of step machine for warm up.
Weights
3 sets of 10 push ups
3 sets of 12 arms curls
2 sets of 10 shoulder lift
15 sit ups on the abs king pro
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January 12th, 2010
07:50 pm
 This.is.what.I.want.to.look.like.
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05:48 pm
I'm going on a fast until Friday. "If" I eat supper with my family, it's an automatic purge. I had 2 terrible days with food. I overate. I don't dare to step on the scale, not until Friday. I hate myself right now ; I had no self control what so ever. I smoked too much weed with my bf these pass few days. But that's ok I guess.
I could die right now, and it wouldn't matter. Maybe I would finally be happy
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January 8th, 2010
10:15 pm
I'm going to do a nursing program for the canadian forces...there is a 30 day training that looks really hard to do. Intense workout.
Weight loss.
My bmi has to be at least 20.
It is 20.
I still want to lose weight..
Im confused.
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January 5th, 2010
03:41 pm
This morning I woke up feeling like I was about to pass out. I did blank out. I took my blood pressure, and it was 80/30. That is very low. So I got scared an decided to eat something. So I had half a grapefruit (45 cals), and a peanut butter (45 cals) toast (80cals) Total : 170 calories
I went skating for an hour with my brother, when I came back I binged :Peanut butter (90 cals) bread (160 cals), 2 brownies (150 cals), cheese (110 cals), rice crispice (60 cals) Total: 570 calories. Purged + laxs.I'm mess...ugh...The worst part is I feel like binging and purging again. What the actual fuck? No, I'm going to go burn 150 calories on the cardio machine and I will go so some weights. My body deserves a little more exercise. I need to lose weight. I have been maintaining 121 lbs since...4-5 days?
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January 4th, 2010
11:02 pm
Ugh, I had a shitty day. I wasn't productive at all. I didn't do anything. I was on the internet all day.
I binged/purged 2X today..
1pm : 4 nutella toast, cheese, rice crispices. Purged and took 2 laxatives and a tea laxative
9pm : Cereals, rice crispices..damn those things..,homemade brownies. Purged.
This morning I was maintaing 121,5 lbs.
Now, at 11pm, I'm 123,0 lbs. I've gained 1,5 lbs.
So I did 200 crunches, and i'm about to go do some cardio. I really need to burn off calories.
I know it's late, but I don't care.
Stupid bulimia.
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January 3rd, 2010
01:08 pm
I thought I was going to gain weight during new years parties. I didn't. Current weight : 121 lbs. I am not sucking in.
I'm always sick. Since christmas i've been having a cold on and off. It's really annoying. I'm always cold. I did eat a little more on new years. I'm still hoping to be down to 119 before school starts back again. I have 8 days. I can well lose 2 lbs in 8 days. I have too.
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December 30th, 2009
10:54 pm
I spent my evening watching Lords of the Ring 1 and Twilight. I have already seen it, but it was fun. I was with my mom and my brother. My dad was pissed because him and my mom are getting seperated it seems and she told him she wanted him to get out of the house after new years. He is drinking all the time , and mostly, drinking their money. And i'm purging their food ; their money. Me and my dad are alike in so many ways.
I got mad at my boyfriend for not calling me in two days. He then told me he was busy with his friends and that he was going to see me on the 31st. I texted him saying "I'll fuck off I feel like I'm being in your way" (I had the impression I was bothering him or something) he didn't answer me then. Two hours later I texted him "I hate myself for being so dependent on you. I'm sorry for being a bitch about it too, I hate myself." He didn't text back. I'm assuming he is on the ski-doo and isn't getting my text. I don't care. I do..but I don't know...whatever. I have to learn to LET GO.
I binged tonight:
3 cookies (200 cals)
1 rice krispice homemade(50 cals)
Half a box of smarties (125 cals)
Cheese (120 cals)
Through out the day I had:
1 egg (80 cals)
1 toast (80 cals)
half a banana (45 cals)
1 cup of spagetti (300cals)
TOTAL: 1000 calories....this really pisses me off. I hate being over 900 calories. I'll take this as a metabolism boost or whatever.
Regardless I was 121 lbs this morning. I weighted myself just now after eating all this and I was 122 lbs. I'll see tomorrow what it gives me.
I also took laxatives tonight and 4 painkillers in one shot. I want to numb the pain, the hate I have. I know the painkiller will put me to sleep soon. I wish I wouldn't wake up. I wish it was over. I just the don't have the courage to do it. It's like i'm waiting for my eating disorder to kill me. I'm not scared of death. I'm scared of what's after death.
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December 29th, 2009
03:23 pm
 me :)
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December 28th, 2009
12:35 pm - Something is wrong with me
I am sick, I woke up with head ach, feeling sick. Perhaps a little fever. It's almost 1 pm and I haven't ate yet. I will probably have half a grapefruit with a peanut butter toast.
I had gotten to 120 lbs, but with christmas...I'm back up at 123 lbs. No worries, 123 lbs is way too much for me. I need to be lower. My goal is to get under 120 lbs. 3 lbs. Not hard. What's hard is to control my bulimia.
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December 8th, 2009
03:41 pm
I shift from seriously suicidal to optimistically on-top-of-the-world several times a day, I hate it but I can't help it.
Skin and bones
Thin and dead
Happy and gone?
“I will not act on these thoughts”. Repeat times a fucking hundred.
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November 30th, 2009
06:48 pm
Is it possible to be complety obsessed by our own disease? I am. Sadly. I'm obsessed with bulimia and starving.
Sometimes I can't deal with myself at all. I just feel like cutting the living shit out of me and die. Literally die, no worries.
I can't wait to see my counsellor tomorrow. I wrote a letter, how I felt and my confused fucked up feelings. Hope she will enjoy reading the bullshit.
I want to lose weight, what's new ehn? What the actual fuck if I don't lose anything. I'm not fat. Although I feel like it.
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December 19th, 2007
10:54 am
Current weight: 137 lbs
2 more pounds until 10 lbs lost!!
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November 26th, 2007
11:00 am
Current Weight: 141 lbs
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September 10th, 2006
08:55 pm
Sorry people, your cut
_____giirrll
barely_function
delgada_
noemixcore
secreteggshells
sweetheart_valo
dyingtofitin
keep_digging
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June 29th, 2006
09:46 am
FRIENDS ONLY _ COMMENT TO BE ADDED
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